Never you possess anything, without the fear of losing it.., Never you pass the night, without the hope of seeing the sun.., Never you aspire for anything, without the feel of redemption.
Such is the height of irony Life holds in it's platter. I will feel the greatness of north pole, when I'm in south pole. I value shadow through sun, I value sun through moon. It takes the capricious coldness of winter, to praise the warm golden rays of spring. And, there is no better way to realize the gift of Life, than through death.
So, this strange imagination goes like this. I lay in the beautifully decorated, coffin, embellished with fresh flowers. The scent of the flowers, is carried away by the wind, filling the entire atmosphere with it's mesmerizing incense. Oh, am I lying dead in my coffin? Seems, the flower incense is so mesmerizing that, I feel, I can die a hundred times, to smell it. All I can see is the Big banyan tree, that seem to be enveloping the whole of the big park, filtering the fiercely intruding sun light, that cut through it's branches, forming multiples grey patterns on the ground.
Am I lying dead in the coffin? Oh my God, I feel glad for it. I never imagined Death, could be such an awesome experience. I feel, as though an extremely auspicious event, is about to happen on that auspicious day, with the birds chirping harmonious tune, digging deep into my very extremes of memory, excavating sweet nostalgia, and the Big banyan tree, being the only evidence. If at all I'm lying dead in the coffin, I feel very much glad for it. I don't want to know the event, that caused my death, nor it's effects. You never think of reasons to be happy, nor ask for reasons, when joy engulfs you. Do you? I feel at peace, and I'm at the gracious hands of Mother nature, basking in the foot hold of that huge, Banyan tree. Am I lying dead in the coffin? Oh my God, Yes, I do. And I'm glad I'm dead.
All of a sudden, out of no where, a strong waft of dread wasp through the air, and I feel terrorized. An inexplicable feel of uneasiness, paralyse me. Heart begin to leap big, making it's every beat, very pronounced, as though, I hear it reverberating on the sides of the coffin. Oh, If I'm dead, how could my heart beats? But who cares, it's my imagination after all, and I spice it up with some fantasy elements.
Aspirations. Wishes. Dreams. Passion. The words, that sound inspiring when said, and leave you into broken pieces, when it's not achieved. I felt unfulfilled, in-adequate, a strong feel of bereavement engulf me. I feel hatred on almost everything. The inexplicable sadness, the strong feel of melancholy, everything started getting itself transmuted into hatred. The Big banyan tree, which made me awe struck with it's grandioseness, now seemed as meaningless,as the imperfect scribbling of a child.
The sweet cadence, of the chirping bird, now seemed a noise. A noise, penetrating the very depth of my consciousness, evoking a sense of grief, making me almost weep, at my own demise. Am I lying dead in the coffin?? Oh my God, No. For the first time, I prayed it should be a dream. Death seemed a gift, sometime back, as I never realized I had aspirations, unfulfilled dreams, wishes that make me sleep, every night, convincing myself, that I indeed have some meaning in life. Abandoning a meaningful Life is indeed a painful thing to do.
Now, the irony begin to reveal itself, in it's most gore, ugliest, cunning form. Now, I want to live. Or at least, I don't wanna die. But the irony is, I'm already dead and lying in my coffin. Oh My God! Am I lying Dead in my coffin?
Yes I do. That's the fact. Hard fact of the omni present and of the omni potent. In a moment, my whole perception of the environment changed drastically. The view of the Big Branches of the banyan tree, is now replaced by the sad gloomy faces of my friends. Probably, mourning for my death. Oh, I now feel the intense urge to give a strong blow on them. They never cared to value my presence, and now what would their crocodile tears would do for me? Will it console my embittered soul and make it rest peacefully? For some reasons, I don't want to bring in my parents in this awkward imagination. So, I limited my fantasy, with I'm lying dead in a beautifully decorated coffin, left with 'NOT-CARING-WHEN-I'M ALIVE' friends, under that Big Banyan tree, that probably stand as a metaphor for Buddha attaining enlightenment, under Bodh gaya. But, How can I be so mean? How stupid I'm to compare, enlightenment with death? But, of course, these 2 are interrelated. These 2 are mutually exclusive indeed. The lack of one, means the presence of other.
Oh my God? Am I lying dead in my Coffin? Oh no. How many things I procrastinated for the future. How badly I wanted to start writing that novel, but I delayed it for stupid reasons.How badly I wanted to convince my friend. How badly I wanted to go, deep sea diving. How badly I wanted to see a list of my favourite movies. How badly wanted to read the pile of books, but I always delayed it for the future. How badly I feared to abandon what all that I possess, in order to achieve what I really wanted. How stupid, I'm to care about my future, killing every invaluable minutes of my presence. How stupid I'm for keeping sticking to the concept of 'Secured', when such a word, never actually exist in Life.It took me the cost of Life, to realize what's essential and what's not. I've given a big prize.
Am I lying dead in my coffin? Oh My God, No. They're lifting the coffin. For what? This aroused the deepest scary thought ever. They probably going to bury me. Oh god no. I start yelling for help. But for some reasons, couldn't shout. I hear my own voice, shouting fiercely "Hey Idiots, I'm not dead yet. Don't bury me!..," They never seemto hear anything. Stupid, Morons, My Friends... They never heard my soul, when I'm alive, and now they turn a deaf ear to my mumbling voice, crying desperately not to bury me.Suddenly, I felt a complete absence of Light and sound. Probably they'd buried me, and started covering up with the mud. Stupid friends. They always hurry up for everything. Right from completing lunch, to shrinking our weekend hang out time. Now, they're too impatient to even look me , for the last time.
With all my might, I kicked the lid of the coffin, but it wouldn't budge. I couldn't even hear the sound of my thumping. I started kicking it furiously, with all my strength, repeatedly. I have to do it, before I lose my consciousness because of suffocation. The oxygen supply is too low, that it wont cater my lungs for more than a couple of minutes. I have to break open this lid. I have to Live. I don't want to give room for the negative thoughts to upsurge, and what all I have in my mind, is to break open this lid, and inhale the air, frantically.
It seemed an eternity, while I furiously thumped the lid, repeatedly, each time, with more force and at last, when I've almost lost all of my remaining energy, the lid thrown opened in the air. I jumped out of the coffin, out of the mud that covered me, inhaling as much oxygen as possible, in a state of euphoria. Like a fish, out of the frying pan. Like a phoenix out of the fire, I emerge victorious. I emerge out of death.
All of a sudden, waking out of my imagination, I lay in a stone bench on a deserted park. I had a glass of water, from the nearby dispenser. That seemed the best moment, ever in my life. Full of energy, having realized the value of Life, it's magic, it's miracles, it's mysteries, I totally bow completely to it's vastness..,
P.S. : If you want to live life, in a best possible way, try imagining yourself death, and think how you wish you'll live your life, provided if life is given back to you, by any superior power.. Wake up.. from the imagination, and You'll have a fresh out look on things. (Inspired Paulo cohelho's 'The Pilgrimage')..,
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